You’ve Got Some ‘Splainin To Do…

In the words of R. Kelly, there is something I must connnnnnnnnfeeeeeeesssssss… I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.

   

Ok, so that’s R. Kelly’s confession. I jacked it. What’s it to ya? I’m ok with a little bump and grind too. 

For realz, though. Here are a few things I need to get off my chest… 

1. I got up at 1:07 yesterday morning and made me a peanut butter-blueberry-cream-cheese-low-carb-tortilla-wrap. Ate it and went back to bed. 
2. I’m not pregnant. 
3. I know this for a 100% fact because Aunt Flo is visiting this week and she’s been telling me to do bad things. 
4. I had something VERRRRRAH inappropriate sent to myself at work. Let’s just call it “note cards”. 
5. I might have had a slight panic attack while out at lunch yesterday worrying about “WHAT IF…what if IT came and Jill, the receptionist, decided to be nosey?” “WHAT IF, one of the drafting guys thought it was for them??” How WOULD I explain myself. Then, I came up with the perfect solution. I bought it for Skillz. Fortunately, I didn’t have to lie. We all know where you go for that shiz. 
6. I’ve been trying to curtail my potty mouth and any time I try to attempt that I come up with a new catch phrase/fake cuss word/phrase. This weeks’ faux bad word is “MUTHER LOVIN’” Try it out. It feels good rolling off the tongue. Mix that in with a little “sofa king” and “shiz” and I got most of the cuss word groups covered. 
7. Here’s a fun little game: Any time you feel like letting one fly (cuss word that is), think of a name of someone in the Bible, NOT God or Jesus because that’s blasphemous and we don’t use the Lord’s name in vain…but like Noah or Moses or if you really know your stuff, you could pull out one of those old testament guys that not many people know about, like Haggai…and you put their name with an object that starts with the same letter. Example: “Noah on the Nile!” or “Moses in the Mohave!”…and for bonus points use a name like Haggai…”Haggai in a hammock!”…”Jezebel in a jalopy!” 

 It’s fun. I swear. 

Well, hope everyone has had a supah fab week.