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2.06.2012

Up and Down and Around and Around: JK's Weight Story

I can't believe I'm getting ready to out myself like this.  I NEVER and I mean NEVER tell anyone how much I weigh...EVER.  Not my mom.  Not Michael.  Not my BFF.  Not my imaginary friend. 

*deep breaths, JK*

So, here's the deal.  I've struggled with weight my WHOLE life.  Even when I was active in high school, cheering every day and working out all the time.  My weight was still a struggle.  I had to consciously think about what I was eating. 

One time, when I was a Junior in HS, I got down to about 140 pounds.  THEN came college and the "Freshman 15" that I managed to turn into the Freshman 50.  What can I say?  I'm an overachiever. 

I remember when I got married, in 1998, that I had managed to starve myself long enough to get into a 12/14 and I probably weighed about 175lbs. 

We all know that when you get married you gain weight, right?  You're comfortable.  You've "won the prize", so to speak.  In 2002, I weighed about 205lbs and I was so sick of being fat...AGAIN.  I started Weight Watchers that time and it worked like a charm.  I didn't have many distractions.  I was secure in my job.  Michael and I had been married for 4 years.  We didn't have any kids.  So, I spent my time getting skinny.  It was kind of my favorite pastime.  My WW Points were like a game and exercising as much as I could was what I did for fun.  Nine months later, I was down to 132lbs.  The smallest I had EVER been...ya know, after getting boobs and my period and all that fun stuff. 

I managed to keep most of that off, but couldn't quite maintain the 132.  I don't think I'm meant to be that skinny.  I slowly went back up to a comfortable 150.  I felt fine at that weight and it was easy for me to maintain.  I didn't have to work very hard at it and I felt healthy.

THEN, 2004 rolls around and I get pregnant.  And what do you know...I gained back all 72lbs I had lost on WW in the 9 months I was pregnant.  Damn the luck...and the pastries and peanut butter sandwiches and LARGE glasses of milk...and "eating for two".  I think after having Isaiah and realizing that I had just successfully gained back ALL that weight I had worked SO hard to take off, just made me not want to try anymore.  Plus, I had this little baby to take care of.  Who had time to eat right and exercise and get appropriate amounts of sleep...or wash their hair regularly?  Not me. 

The first time I made a solid attempt at losing weight after that was when Isaiah was about 1 1/2.  I had recently seen my EXTRA LARGE ASS in an Easter picture...and I desperately wanted to go on this new birth control and my OB wouldn't prescribe it to me until I was around 190lbs.  Seemed do-able.  I tried really hard, really I did, but I was working our coffee shop...like 16 hours days, taking care of a little guy...and a house...and a husband...and working where I do now on weekends.  If I remember correctly, I got down to about 199lbs.  I just couldn't manage those last 9 pounds.  SO FRUSTRATING. 

Since then, it's been a freakin' roller coaster.  I've been up and down...and up...and up...and then down a little.  My weight has fluctuated from 255lbs (most I've EVER weighed) to 199lbs.  I FINALLY see the light at the end of the 200lbs tunnel again...it's just a mere 1.4lbs away.  I'll probably do a little happy dance when it finally happens.  You know how good it feels to go from one ten to the next, right?  When you don't have to say (or think) 200 anymore, you can say 190something...or for you skinny people, getting out of the 120's and into the "teens".  I think most of us can relate in one way or another. 

I don't know what this go around means for me.  I don't know if I'll make it to my 145lb goal. 

Sure would be nice for my Driver's License to be correct for once. 

All I do know is that I'm taking it one day at a time...sometimes just one meal at a time.  I'm trying not to over think things...trying not to freak out over small set backs.  I'm TRYING to remember that it's NOT what we do at ONE meal or on ONE day, but what we do at all the rest of the meals and on MOST days.  I'm TRYING to remember that I don't ever have to "start over"...I just have to keep going, even if I gain a pound or eat a cheeseburger. 

So, hopefully one of these days, I won't be embarrassed to tell my weight...or wear shorts...or a cute tank top or sleeveless dress.  And maybe, just MAYBE, my thighs won't attempt to combust into flames from friction when I walk.  And perhaps, there won't be three rolls of back fat...or 2 jelly rolls above my pants.  Maybe. 

UP...way way UP.
Down.


My Granny got sick and I put it ALL back on...except for maybe a few pounds...and back UP.

May 2011

Down a little.

What started this weight loss journey to begin with...trying to fit into a size 16 bridesmaid dress that I ordered on-line and had no way of returning and getting a bigger size in time for my cousin's wedding...just barely, but I did it.

I think that little bit of success and me ACTUALLY accomplishing a something I had set out to do, spurred me on to keep losing.



I've lost about 19 pounds since Christmas.  The only difference I can really tell is that those jeans I was wearing that night are baggy now.  Feels good.

When I started tracking my weightloss on My Fitness Pal back in July, my starting weight was 243.  As of today, I've lost about 42 pounds.

Now you know the ugly truth. Not sure how I feel about pushing "publish"...I'm hoping it will keep me accountable and remind me that I don't want to go back. *fingers crossed*

Are you on a weight loss journey?  What are you doing to lose weight or get in shape?  Share it with me in the comments.  I get major motivation from other people's stories!

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" (nothingtastesasgoodasskinnyfeelsnothingtastesasgoodasskinnyfeelsnothingtastesasgoodassk...wait, how does skinny feel again?)





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31 comments...I love comments:

Megan said...

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!!!


I feel like a yo-yo from month to month. It's frustrating. I can't tell you how many times I have quit. I'll blame it on this, or I'll blame it on that, or I just make excuses and pretend that it's still not my fault.


I have been losing since the first of Dec and I am about 20 lbs down. I have a long way to go to get to 135 but I know I can do it.

This time around I am counting calories in and out. I bought a bodybugg from a friend. Thats the little device they use on the biggest loser to count how many calories you burn throughout the day. Now that I can see what I am burning, I have adjusted my diet to 1000 less than what I am burning. It takes a 3500 calorie deficit to lose 1 pound. It's hard. There are days I can't take it any more, but I push through!

Date Girl said...

Great job JK! Good for you for posting this. I'm sure it took a lot of courage. I have to say, you wear your weight well. You look great with curves! I definitely think that we as women get caught up in the number. I used to be obsessed with the number on my scale. But I'm from a "big boned" family and we are dense. We may not look it, but we weigh heavy, even if we fit into smaller sizes. So I would focus on how you feel in your clothes, not so much those dreaded numbers on the scale. Keep up the good work, you're doing great!!

Xazmin said...

I just love you JK! And can I just say, that I wish my 200+ lbs looked half as fabulous as yours. Really - you look awesome.

I understand your pain. So much. I am trying desperately to get rolling with my weight loss. Today is a new day, right?

Thank you for sharing your story, and know that you have my support all the way! We can both do it!

I made a cute craft I saw on pinterest for tracking my weightloss - I'll email it to you if you want.

I may blog about it, but it has to show some progress first!

I'm so glad you're back to blogging - I've missed your face so much!

MiMi said...

OMG, we're on the same damn rollercoaster! I don't like it.
Only I have a long ways before I even hit the damn 199 mark. Right now I'm in this 10 lb range that's killing me. It's been kicking my ass for a year.
Once I get out of it and into the "new" 10 lb range (cuz that's how I'm measuring it at this point...too much to lose to actually say how much, I'd never make it by doing that) I will feel good. Maybe. I get so irritated with myself that even if I lose but it's not what I wanted to lose I get pissed.
Not only that, but a couple weeks ago I lost 3.9 and then next week I gained 1.6. I don't understand...I ate the same. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe that's it.
I DON'T KNOW BUT I HATE THIS SHIZ.

Impulsive Addict said...

You know how much I love your face, right?

I know EXACTLY how difficult it is to actually put a number out there for the world to see {and judge}. I'm so proud of you for posting this. You will be a TRUE inspiration to so many people out there who are trying to lose weight and who get frustrated by the roller coaster ride that I like to call losing/gaining/losing weight.

It hasn't been a lifelong battle for me but it's been a 10 year battle and I'm just DONE with it. I love that we are IRL friends who encourage each other in person and through myfitnesspal. I'm serious, that encouragement is the only thing positive in my days sometimes.

You are ALMOST to your goal. Keep doing what you're doing. This spring, we'll C25K it again. That will be good for us.

Btw, the tree picture is my favorite and you're looking smoking hot in that bridesmaid picture!

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is a GREAT motto. I have that on my sidebar. LOVE IT! and I LOVE YOU!
xoxo

Jonni Baloney said...

I'm so proud of you! If nothing else, you are healthier for all of your effort. It isn't for sissies.
I'm going to send my friend Amy your way. She can identify with you and has been posting about her journey over at http://landoffluff.blogspot.com/. I think you would really be able to support each other!
This post was really inspiring, JK. Sending you hugs.

Just Barb said...

WAY TO GO!! I would never have the courage to put my weight up on the internet....kudos to you!! AND for losing almost 50lbs....keep it up and soon you'll be buying all new clothes cause the others aren't just baggy, but don't fit at all!!!

VandyJ said...

We have no scales in our house. It just depressing to step on it and see the number not change. I go by how I feel and how my clothes feel. I have trouble with the snacking monster. Just a nibble here and bit there--it all adds up, but sometimes I don't even realize how much I'm shoving in my mouth. Currently watching what goes in, so I don't over do it and trying to do some sort of exercise daily. That's the hard one for me. Finding time and motivation at the same time.
Keep up the fight and hopefully you can get off the roller coaster for good.

Jen said...

You are gorgeous, you know that? Inside and out. Just keep in mind how much better you FEEL at a lower weight. My mom's been overweight her entire life - 5'2", and probably 200 lbs most of her adult life. My dad ran 5 miles every day after his parents died in their early 60's. I have two very different examples in my head of how what you eat & whether you exercise affects you. Mom's had two total knee replacements already. I firmly believe that part of that is weight related. Never mind what you look like in the mirror, it's just not healthy. As for me? I hit an all-time non-pregnant high over the holidays. Not happy about that, but it was a good wake-up call. Eating and exercise isn't a sprint to a finish line, it's a marathon for a healthy life. A mis-step here or there isn't the end of the world, but you can't let it sidetrack you from being mindful every day. We are, after all, what we eat :) I'll shut up now. Hugs!

Lisa said...

Oh girly... I feel ya. My hubby is about 50lbs overweight and I am about 10-15, but I am going on a mission's trip to Guatemala and I am crazy out of shape... getting my hubby to go to the gym and eat better is the goal, but getting toned up and in shape is an added benefit for me. We've been going for almost a month and I havent lost much weight, but I know I've gained muscle (he's down about 10 lbs!!) and our eating is so much better. Congrats on your progress, stay motivated, dont give up, but dont be too hard on yourself. You'll get there :)

Colleen said...

You are very brave to post this. I think it's a sign of committment and a big step forward. And, really, you're super cute in all those pics, so you're ahead of the game anyway!

I am naturally thin-ish, so I won't pile on all that lame "just do this and that" crap. I do, however, gain weight really easily (and really fast!) if I'm not paying attention. Like, 20 pounds in three months.

Most amazing diet I've ever (inadvertently) tried? Vegetarianism. Seriously, when I stopped eating meat, I dropped to the least I have weighed EVER, and have stayed within 6 pounds of that ever since, eating meat a maximum of once a week.

It may not be your style, but I thought I'd share. I was shocked by what a difference it made for me.

Whatever you do, I'm sure you'll rock it!

CrazyforChristy said...

I am so proud of you! You truly are an inspiration! There are so many things I admire about you...your beauty, inside & out, your courage & confidence, and your humor, just to name a few! I LOVE being around you, and I look forward to making more memories with you & the "4Ho's4" for a very long time! :0)

Sheila said...

Good job girlie, very proud of you! I'm trying to get rid of just 15 more pounds!!! I am KIND of doing the WW thing (only not going to classes, just using my knowledge!) Shhh, don't tell! And doing the couch to 5k! I did it last year and could KICK myself that I stopped running! Now...I have had to start ALL over - but i feel SO much better after i run!
Good luck! :)

Johanson Family said...

Aw JK, I think most of us girls can relate on the fear to share that level of detail with other people and I'm proud of you. I think the hardest part is that I personally compare myself to the people around me and the number on my pants and the number on the scale. I complain but find little time to do anything about it. I know it usually takes 2 weeks to become addicted to working out and getting that lifestyle back but I can't even manage a day. You're right, life gets in the way and as much as people want to say its an excuse, its really the truth! After long hours, taking care of kids and the rest of life's responsibilities, how the heck can you fit YOU into the mix and still keep your eyeballs open. That's actually my struggle now as well. The only diet that has ever worked for me has been when my husband & I do it together. Otherwise, we are bringing each other down if we aren't on the same page. I've even cheated and used diet pills...
For every person the motivation is different and I'm here to support you when you need it!
On a side note-- I've never managed to read this book entirely, but flipped to pages that pertained to me.. its called EATING RIGHT FOR YOUR TYPE! Who knew that your blood type had anything to do with how you break down food. Its interesting!
Best of luck!! I know you can do it and even on days when you feel you can't... still love ya.

Myya said...

How amazing & brave that you are putting it all out there!! I never ever had weight issues ever, I actually was always small. My mid to late 20's hit & I put on a little, it actually looked pretty good on my curves, THEN I had kids bam bam bam 1-2-3 all within 4 years & holy hell did my body take a beating. Now my littlest is 2 & I am still waaaay overweight. I could definitely lose a good 50lbs, heck maybe even more. My problem... those 1-2-3 kids I mentioned a second ago, a husband who works A LOT because we own a small business & the economy sucks, a complete lack of motivation & a horrible lack of organization skills to make it all work in my favor. I started MFP about a month ago & am yo yoing 6 lbs... that is it so far. So annoying, frustrating & well just kinda pisses me off that it doesn't just freakin melt off. It is so hard. I am SOOO proud of the journey you are on & the attitude you have toward it. It isn't practical to be perfect every day so we have to choose each day to start new. I am trying, not completely succeeding but definitely trying and I loooove peeps like you in my life who know the struggle & can relate that it isn't as easy as oh I'm just going to work out more or I'm just going to eat better. Man, it is so much more then that isn't it! Ok so I am blabbering & I am not sure what exactly I am trying to say so I will leave you with this... I think you are awesome, I love your smart ass approach to making it work & I'm suppah duuuupah proud of you. Keep insiring me K! (that of course means that you HAVE to keep blogging yo!)

Connie said...

I can completely relate to your story! I've been trying to reach my 155 pound goal for 20 years. I've gotten close....twice, but then life happens.

I've so glad that we're supporting each other and I know that someday we'll both reach our goal!

momof3girls said...

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop" Confucius, Chinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC)

That is one of my favorite quotes when I think about how difficult weight loss is! If someone has not struggled with traveling down this road they have no ideal how steep the road can be and the time and determination it would take to reach the top. You are doing an amazing job! Keep at it! Don't give up, this is your year - 2012, never looked this good!!!

Becca @ R We There Yet Mom? said...

Amazing - you never cease to amaze me with your charm, your wit, your brutal honesty. That is the quality I love the most about you!!

I am cheering you on!!

XOXO

~Becca

Jiff said...

It has been a struggle of mine ALL of my life and it really stinks! I am so proud of you, though, for posting this....it's not about the numbers but the real life truth of how hard it is to lose weight and then have "life" put it back on you!
I heart you hard and I wanna be just like you when I grow up! :-D

Vivienne @ the V Spot said...

JK first of all, can I just say that I think you're fabulous inside and out, and that you are brave to share this with us. Second, I love the attitude you've adopted here, especially the part where you say if you stumble over a cheeseburger to just get up and keep going. That's the hard part for me - to keep going instead of say "oops! Diet's blown for today, I might as well eat everything I see for the rest of today." You can do it!
(And you look GORGEOUS in that bridesmaid dress!)
xoxo

Shawn said...

Right this minutes I could not be more proud to call you my friend!

I have to say you look beautiful at any weight. This is because I know the inner JK, the out JK is just the icing on the cake!

What can we do to celebrate with you, and for you, in just 1.4 more pounds? How hard is it to organize a ticker tape parade in your little ol' home town?....I'm on it!

I love you like a hot pair of Miss Me jeans love a nice ass!

Mamarazzi said...

how did i miss this post?!

i love you for sharing this. and look at all of the amazing support from all of the comments. you surely are not alone in this. i have been gaining and losing the same 30 pounds for about 3 yrs now.

i managed to lose 20 during the holidays and my move, but it was HARD! right now i am in a maintain mode and i still have lots to lose. i promised myself a few weeks before hitting it HARD again IF i don't gain any of the weight back.

but seriously, i am kidding myself. i just need to get back to working it and NOW!!

thanks for the honesty and inspiration.

you REALLY are very pretty.

Stacie said...

What, 1 week back into blogging and you are sharing your weight? You go girl! Thanks for keeping it real for us. And you are looking great!

Steph said...

Best wishes on your continued success! It's hard.

As soon as I have the baby, I'm gonna have to get my butt in gear.

Stacy Uncorked said...

You are SO not alone. There's a reason I take all the pictures and avoid being on the receiving end of the camera. I was at a great (and comfortable) weight when I got pregnant with Princess Nagger - all the lbs I gained during the pregnancy I've never gotten rid of. Still hanging onto it 9 years later. Yo-Yo should be my middle name. ;) You are so inspirational, though - I love your courage and determination. :)

Madonna Still Rocks, M.I.A. Steals the Headlines, and Another Stray Cat

Impulsive Addict said...

Thanks for linking up, Slush! xoxo

Me love you long time.

Amy said...

Go you for putting this all out on your blog and asking for help staying accountable! I've been contemplating doing the same thing for a few weeks, and I think I finallyyy might do it on Monday. We'll see though, no promises :) I think you are making AWESOME progress! Keep it up! You look great, and can't wait to watch as you make your goal happen!

Dee Stephens said...

here's mine.. not as dramatic but i have to really watch it.
http://deewallaceadventures.blogspot.com/2010/05/constant-battle.html

Then.. my niece's.. this is really inspiring.
http://deewallaceadventures.blogspot.com/2011/12/proud-aunt-before-and-after-weight-loss.html

You can do it!!! Found you through Impulsive Addict! Newest follower of yours!

Boobies said...

I'm so proud of you, gorgeous!!

I blame my 15, 14, & 5 year old for my 'baby weight.' That's legit, right?

ShaRhonda @ The 4- Crow's said...

Keep it up babe! This is certainly a journey and a struggle for a lot of us! I like that we can be open and encourage one another!

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

I am so proud of you for putting this out there, JK! I think you're right, no matter what your weight struggles, they are frustrating. But you can do this. Take it slow. Hugs!!